I don’t know how people will feel about this post, and to be honest I don’t either. I’m all about loving yourself and all your things that make you, you. But I think everyone goes through life, and at times wishes they could change small bits of them, or look at others and feel a bit jealous.
I think I’m a pretty confidence person in day to day life, I’m happy to go without makeup, I don’t really care if what people think, and I will speak to anyone that comes my way, albeit a bit shyly. There are parts of my looks, my personality, and just me that I don’t feel happy with. I have insecurities, I believe like most people. There are parts of me that I always feel people take the piss out of, or judge me on. But I almost feel admitting these insecurities will make me stronger and more confident, I have put all the things that make me not look in the mirror out there. So if any muppet out there wants to take the piss, I’ve beat you to it you clown.
So lets get to the interesting bit (!!!)
I have a big ole moon face, it’s big ass oval, so I need stuff to fill, obviously I woke up late on nose handing out and I ended up with this bloody nose. It’s something I have felt self conscience about for years. Since I started becoming mor self conscience when I was around 13, I started looking at everyone else. I kept noticing their faces and their noses and how they looked compared to mine. Everyone had cute button noses that suited their face, looked great on photos and it just suited them. I started to hate my side profile, I felt it was really noticeable. I hate having my photo taken as I never feel my nose looks ‘right’ and I have to get it at the right angle for me to feel happy. I don’t think I’m full over this, but I have learnt there are plenty of sassy beautiful ladies out there with out a button nose, like Sarah Jessica Parker, and she is stunning.
My skin I think this is the thing that I have struggled with for the longest time. It has caused my self esteem to be low, and I have felt insecure about my looks for so long. When I was younger around 13, spots started to break through. I didn’t have makeup to cover up, and if I did I wouldn’t know what to do with it anyway (This was way before YouTube or blogs) Other people in my school didn’t seem to have acne at all, I felt I was alone and didn’t understand why I had been dealt this card. I have tried prescribed medication, over the counter treatments, herbal, diet changes and it doesn’t seem to get rid of it fully. Some products help like La Roche Posay, but I think I’m always going to have acne, it’s in my genes. I’m better with makeup now, so I know how to cover up the redness, and the spots so I don’t feel self conscience if I’m in social situations or with people that I feel a bit intimidated by. I’ve also just come to accept it, I can go to Tesco with no makeup on, and I don’t bat an eye-lid, if people want to look or say something to their mate then so be it. I haven’t done anything wrong and I shouldn’t be ashamed of myself.
Finally is my speech, I had a stutter when I was in primary school, I was always nervous and on edge so it caused me to stutter when I spoke. I had speech therapy, which taught me techniques and helped me calm down. I still have a bit of a lisp, and my speech has never been clear, so I find sometimes people can’t understand me. So when I get asked to repeat myself, I always feel really self conscience about it. It’s just one of those things, it’s not held me back I’ve worked in retail, dealing with the public all the time, I work on the phones a lot in my current job. But when I hear myself speaking I feel horrible and want it wiped immediately. I’ve been trying to build up the courage to do a YouTube video for a while but every time I film video, I can’t watch it back. This is the thing I think I struggle with the most, one day I’m just going to put up the video I recorded and let the world see. I can’t help how I speak, and so I shouldn’t let it get in the way of doing something I’ve wanted to do for a few years.
I’ve learnt to overcome a lot of these things, don’t get me wrong they still get to me at times. Especially when I’m hormonal, and I feel if I get another spot, I’m going to bury myself in a duvet and eat mars bar ice creams for a week. But overall I’m happier with myself now than I have been ever before. It’s just learning to love yourself, you’ll find the world not as terrifying if you do.